News from the Future: Government Plan Offers Incentives for Abortions, Suicide

Jan. 28, 2115 – Our most exalted leader President George Handsomefellow Bush III announced today the inception of a new federal program dubbed “Heroes Way Out” that will grant valuable rewards to citizens who choose to end their own lives, that of their fetuses, or both.

Everyone is hailing the new program, which was both conceived and approved by the President, as a breathtakingly brilliant idea that will go far towards alleviating the nation’s overpopulation problem, allowing the non-superfluous segment of the country more space to enjoy their material possessions.

Spoke one American highly in favor of the new plan, “I used to think that every life, regardless of whether it was merely a loose amalgamation of undifferentiated cells or whatever, was precious and that abortion was wrong until the sprawl of the city reached my rural doorstep. That’s when I said ‘Enough is enough’. I mean, why should I, as a reasonably happy and affluent person with lots of inanimate things to live for be forced to choke to death on the toxic fumes of the poor? It’s utterly absurd.”

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